490 days since my last post: I'm back!
What 14 months of depression taught me about myself.
I have to say I feel relief and some emotions writing this. I have been meaning to hop back onto this newsletter for a while, but kept pushing it off.
I always prided myself on being consistent, whether it’s TikTok, going to the gym, or even making sure I stuck to my weekly Saturday schedule for this newsletter. But towards the end of 2023, I had a bout of depression which hit me hard, where at points I hardly recognised myself, particularly as I had never had it growing up. I didn’t truly understand the concept of it, so it was very foreign.
I say I didn’t recognise myself because I stopped doing pretty much everything I loved. It also surprised me how long the worst of it lasted, which was 14-16 months thereabouts. Opening my journal and making an entry again for the first time was a good feeling.
I’ve done a lot of introspection, and my mindset has shifted. So what are my key takeaways?
- Living more in the present moment and not obsessing over goals.
- Trusting myself more, trusting that if I make good decisions on a daily basis and enjoy myself the future will take care of itself
- Not compromising as much on my boundaries.
Also learning to find balance in my life. After a lot of introspection from my journalling I realise that I was burying my head in the sand for example by going to the gym and telling myself it was ok because it's a positive thing. But now realising that too much of a good thing can be bad especially as I was neglecting a lot of other things in my life that was mounting up and up.
What’s next?
The immediate next steps are to refocus things on TikTok, as I have let things lapse there. Another thing is that I’ve always been a big journaller, and it was a big part of helping me process things lately. So I’m making a free Journalling class, which outlines things I’ve learnt through the years, what’s worked, what’s not, that sort of thing.
I want to do more TikTok lives also which I think is a better way to interact with viewers to kick start things.
It’s still work in progress but if you’re interested reply with ‘journal’ and I’ll send you one lesson that’s in the class.
What I’m Watching
Some of the things that I have happened in my life between GTA V and GTA VI trailer 2: I moved out of my parents' house, got my first full-time job, got into a serious relationship. I invested in my first property, wrote a book, ended my relationship after 7 years, became a content creator and lots of stuff in between. On a serious note, when it does come out, I think it will be a pretty epic and nostalgic moment.
Resource of the week
ChatGPT Plus. Obviously, everybody knows about ChatGPT, but yesterday they quietly came out with a feature I have been waiting for for weeks in the UK. That is being able to reference chat history. Memory has been a thing for a while, but you’ve always had to explicitly tell it to remember things, which was quite limited. Now it has context and able to access every chat you’ve ever had, which is quite mad. So over time the more you interact with it, the better and more individualised the answers become. Between this and accessing the o3 model, it’s easily the best £20 I spend a month. Crazy times.
Quote
Frightened of change? But what can exist without it? What's closer to nature's heart? Can you take a hot bath and leave the firewood as it was? Eat food without transforming it? Can any vital process take place without something being changed?
Can't you see? It's just the same with you-and just as vital to nature.
Marcus Aurelius - Meditations
So as always, hit reply if you have any questions or suggestions or any feedback at all!
Hans